Filed under: Growth, music, Personal | Tags: adversity, blessed, development, diamonds, faith, freedom, Growth, inventory, like a storm, month recap, Personal, planner, rise, san diego, vacation
Thomas Carlyle said, “No pressure, no diamonds.” He also, said “Adversity is the diamond dust heaven polishes its diamonds with.” My response the last three weeks when someone asks me how things are going has been, “Great. I’m making diamonds.” Since tomorrow is December (how did that happen?!), this is a great opportunity to do a recap of the last three weeks and the month in total.
According to my Focus Journal, November started out with days described as “refreshed”, “renewed” and “determined”. We celebrated our first year of marriage! The anniversary trip was amazing. 
The first year of marriage was amazing. Never did I ever imagine that I could love someone as much as I love that man. There are times when I look at his warm brown eyes, wide, welcoming smile and round apple cheeks and think, “There’s no one I could love anymore than I do RIGHT THIS MOMENT.” Then, the are times when I look at him and think, “Yep. I dooo!” There were plenty of these moments in San Diego. Pacific Beach, Ocean Beach, La Jolla, Belmont Park and Sunset Cliffs Natural Park are some of the places we visited. We kayaked, hiked, biked and conducted our State of the Union. One of the main things we discussed and vowed to work on was being more present. We promised to actually look at each other when talking, playing on our phones less and enjoying each moment to the fullest and not only in our marriage.
Mindfulness has contributed to the shift from “renewed” and “refreshed” to “working on zen”, “egotism” and “anxious”. Mind you, the former adjectives were post-vacation descriptions and appropriate for the first few days I was home. Being present and grounding myself in each moment is great. However, it poses some problems at times. It makes me hyper aware of all of my feelings and everything around me. It’s a downside to absorbing my surroundings. I try to remind myself to be a part of the world but not of it. Then, when I fail at that (being too invested in being perfect or others’ opinions) I get anxious and then I feel guilty about letting those opinions get to me and then I get anxious again. It’s a vicious cycle. So, the longer I was home, the harder it was to be “renewed” and “determined”. The pressure was and is on. Diamond dust, right? Do you ever feel this way? I have found that increasing my meditation has helped but not healed. I injured my back for the first time. That was awful. I had never experienced anything like it. It really threw me off of my school work and work work. I have been so far behind. I’m still struggling to get back on track. My affirmation has been that these are growing pains. The shift that will come after this is going to be awesome. Although, I don’t have it yet. This meditation below has been really helpful also. It’s okay to not be okay. However, when it’s too much I remind myself that, if I change my mind, for the most part I can change my circumstance.
The other really cool thing about this month is that I attended a house party concert. Like A Storm played and they were amazing. Their sound was solid and fresh. They were personable, kind and funny. It’s a strong competition between the “Let It Be” cover and the cover of “Gangsta’s Paradise”. My buddy uploaded some really great videos. “Gangsta’s Paradise” is below:
“Never Surrender” by Like A Storm has been my fight song.
You put a wall in my way and I’ll break it
You got something to say
I can take it
Did you think that a few little words would
Take (me)
Break (me)
I don’t care(Oh) I still believe
There is something here for me
(Oh) As long as I breathe[Chorus:]
No, I will never surrender
No, I will fight forever
No, there is no turning back from here
I will never surrenderI’ve given way too much to just give up now
Stood up too many times to just
Fall back down
And all the shit that I’m facing now
In the end I can say
I’ve made it through hell(Oh) I still believe
There is something here for me
(Oh) As long as I bleed[Chorus]
(Oh) As long as I breathe
I will be free[Chorus]
No, there is no surrender now
You will never break me down
I will stand in the face of fear
I will never surrender
Never surrender
Filed under: music, Personal | Tags: andra day, anthem, blessed, common, gratitude, holiday, life, lora zombie, mountains, music, perserverance, rise up, thanks, thanksgiving
Thanksgiving: a controversial day with disputed origins and significance that has morphed throughout history to become turkey day. It’s also my favorite holiday. Largely because it’s one of the only times in a year that family comes together with no expectations other than to eat well and enjoy each other’s company. There aren’t gifts. There’s not one person who is celebrated exclusively. There’s just love, family and gratitude. Do you have any Thanksgiving traditions? For the last five years we have hosted. We get up early, watch the Macy’s Day Parade and cook, cook, cook. It made me really happy to see Andra Day and Common performing “Stand Up for Something” in the parade this year. That song is my jam! It has such a positive message.
What do you think about it? My favorite lyrics are perhaps:
You do the best that, do the best that you can do
Then you can look in the mirror
Proud of who’s looking back at you
Define the life you’re living
Not by what you take or what you’re givin’
And if you bet on love there’s no way you’ll ever lose
Take a stand, make a stand for what’s right
It’s always worth, always worth the fight
How anthemic! It’s such a get up and fight song. It reminds me that I’m thankful for the fact that we have the power to get up and take the world to its feet. We really do. Further, it’s incumbent upon us to be the change that we want to see in the world. It starts with me. It starts with you. DACA, net neutrality, Nigeria, gender equality, whatever incenses you let it propel you to stand up and do something. “It’s always worth, always worth the fight.”
In addition to the parade, we have lots of food and at dinner we go around and say what we are thankful for. What are you thankful for this year? In addition to what I mentioned above, I’m thankful for all of my friends’ new babies, my father in laws perseverance through cancer treatment, my husband, that I GET to do a lot of things (school, work, exercise, etc.) and that in one word I am blessed.
Filed under: music | Tags: billy corgan, career, childhood, fantasy, fleetwood mac, life, music, nostalgia, poems, smashing pumpkins, stevie nicks
Early, dark mornings, forehead pressed against sticky glass, headphones on and listening to Billy’s voice jostling on the way to school. This song was one of my favorites. It still remains my favorite cover of “Landslide”. The significance of the lyrics has changed though:
Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too
Oh, I’m getting older, too
Not simply because I’m getting older. Its importance to me is not that banal to stem from the literal words. There is a quality in Billy’s voice; a sadness that paired with the wholeness of the verse that intimates the overall affect that comes with the nostalgia in thinking of passing time. “Even children get older” for me does not simply evoke images of a child physically passing into a teen. There’s the image of a child dropping their magic wand and picking up a pen; mentally and emotionally leaving behind childhood whimsy and picking up more logical and reasonable objects and ideas. And, I feel ya kid. “I’m getting older too.” Do you have similar feelings? Who does your favorite “Landslide” cover?
Filed under: Personal | Tags: blog, blogger, blogging, disfatto, faith, god, job, life, lifestyle, music, real
One of the most asked questions in life is, “If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?” What if your younger self had something to tell you? As a part of a project for school, I got an invitation to join their WordPress blog. It was sent to my school e-mail address and when I went to activate the account I realized I already had an account with that address. This wasn’t too surprising as I’ve had blogs before. What was surprising was what I found when I looked at the blogs under the e-mail address.
2008 Tiff
There were two. It was a bit ironic to find the quote, “Don’t leave anything undone” blinking at me in animated text as part of the cover photo of this blog… this undone blog. It’s as if 2008 Tiff had put this here for me to find nine years later.
My daily method of operation today consists of listening to Gary Vee, Les Brown, Eric Thomas, Motiversity, Genius Mindset and other motivating, successful gurus. Their passion, commitment and success inspire and fuel me. Also included are videos from Steven Furtick, Joyce Meyer, Woodlands Church and other pastors whose beliefs align with my faith and values. Their words keep me on track and in the proper mindset to practice my beliefs throughout my day. I try to fill myself with happy, healthy things and work towards living my purpose and God’s will in my life. A lot of times though, I am clueless as to what that is. However, I keep on trucking, one foot in front of the other, doing the next right thing until I do. My interests vary and the ideas abound, but the certainty of what that calling is deficient.
Logging into this account today spoke to my soul. Don’t leave things undone. It seems that one thing I don’t practice in trying to find this calling is sticking. Photography, writing, music, law, design, entrepreneurship, AdvoCare are all passions that I’ve followed and passions that I’ve slackened pace with. This lack of certainty and sureness that I desire read as signs that they aren’t the purpose to which I’ve been called. Work and school I pursue with a fervor. The others, I pick up and set down, pick up and set down…leaving them undone. Insecurity, fear, indecision all hold me back. However, I won’t leave this undone. I’ll write and post and we’ll see what happens. I’ll share my passions, my interests and my life and untie/unpack myself and see what develops. Disfatto doesn’t only mean undone. It can mean unpack. And I’m keeping the original 2008 cover photo as a reminder. So, disfatto.
Disfatto: Coming Undone 